Rolling Rolling Rolling, Keep Those Zombies Rolling

Posted: March 6, 2012 in History, Safe House Lore
Tags: , , , , , ,

Since the outbreak we who have survived, especially those of us stuck on this side of the fence have witnessed incredible feats of strength and endurance by the Zees. While not particularly smart enough to figure out door knobs they can break through weaker doors. While not able to figure out how to climb a tree they will stand beneath one with a survivor trapped above for days until you starve. If you are trying to outrun a Zee they will shuffle along behind you as long as you are in view or there is a sound for them to follow. They are in fact the new power house in the animal kingdom in some aspects. Their only true weakness is the softness of rotting flesh and that once the brain is destroyed a Zee’s motor function cease and the virus is unable to control the host. Infection at that point can only happen through direct contact with the blood to an open wound or some other manner into the bloodstream.

I think that is why I understood but was horrified by what we witnessed today outside the Terry Fox Elementary Safe House. I could grasp the logic but the pure horrific display of the pageant in front of us was almost more than I could bear. Today, the three of us saw our very first Zee caravan.

Cars are noisy and require gas. Carrying items on foot slows you down. A wagon might need to be abandon if you’re pulling it. However Zees will follow you to the ends of their rotting stumps and they have the strength to carry four times their body weight. There has been some speculation as to why this is, such as if the virus pushes through hormones and adrenaline to fuel the body but so far I have not seen any concrete scientific data as to why Zees are so strong, even when they aren’t always super fast. Some genius, one who must have been half mad at the time, thought of the idea of Zee pack mules. But how does one tame a zombie?

You start with disarming it, literally. No Zee is going to continue to carry what you put in its arms but rather it will continue to flail towards you seeking to grasp you, not your packages. Therefore the arms of a dead person have no purpose as a beast of burden. Upon removing and capping the arms, you then have to contend with the most dangerous part of the Zee, the mouth. It is important to note that removing the lower jaw is not enough to pacify the danger of a Zee. It is still possible that they will infect you by banging their front teeth into your body. The only sure method is to muzzle the Zee in some manner, such as wielding a face mask, or firmly securing a hockey goalie mask to their face. This protection must be regularly checked to ensure the safety of the caravan in case of rotting flesh causing slippage of the muzzle.

Once you have pacified the Zee there are several methods of transportation to consider. Smaller caravans use single Zees that have large bags strapped to their bodies. Weight distribution isimportant because while your Zee is strong, an over balanced Zee will fall down often and slow you down as it no longer has the arms to pick its self back up. Other Zees have been harnessed to wagons to pull, or a set of four Zees can have a litter placed upon them balanced on two poles. This platform will have a Zee on each corner much like displays in Roman times where nobility would have four slaves carry them about.

Thus packed, the next step is how to motivate your Zee. That part is very easy; you walk in front of them. The Zees will loyally, and some caravans drivers even insist affectionately follow along behind you. If you run into a pack of wild Zees and have to take cover your tamed Zees will remain nearby until you can come to fetch them again.

There are some additional difficulties. A tamed Zee will still try to do its best to eat you and there are questions as to how these caravans are feeding their Zees. Notably raiders are less inclined to approach and attack them so perhaps they know something those of us on their trade routes do not. Few safe houses will permit the tamed Zees within, but caravans often chain their Zees outside using common bike locks and chains to keep them from wandering off far. Also a Zee’s body eventually breaks down and the caravan we spoke and traded with said that on average a domesticated Zee lasts three months before the body is too deprecated to be of use.

Before the outbreak people used to say necessity is the mother of invention. We had a need for moving goods and promoting trade among the survivors. We as a people invented a method. If there was a mother involved, she sure gave birth to an unholy and completely disturbing answer.

Thanks to Zombie Spirituality for zombie pack mule idea.

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